A Review of the Grammys?
by Tucker Morrow
On the list of things I didn’t ever think I would do, writing a review of the Grammys is probably near the top. I call my dad’s mother Grammy, and she’s way more entertaining and much more pleasant than the awards show. After all, I’m usually not into watching a bunch of celebrities tell each other how incredible they are. I usually operate under the “pop culture cynic” title, though the fact that I’m writing this response may mean that pop culture won. I also really hate the comments like “I sacrifice everything I have day by day for my craft.” It seems more like an affirmation celebration where famous people get to tell each other how much they matter than an awards show, and being that I’m not exactly up on most pop culture, I usually only know one of the people nominated, and they always seem to lose. Tonight though, Page mentioned that she wanted to watch the Grammys (one of the many cool things about having a wife is that they provide viable excuses for their husbands watching girly things, i.e. the grammys). When we switched the channel from the Pro Bowl, something crazy happened… I was fascinated… not in some fan-boy admiration type way, but in a “this is hilarious” kind of way. The fact that I was reading live tweets from two people with similar points of view as mine (Jon Acuff and Sammy Rhoades) made the Grammys endlessly more entertaining. Anyway, I thought I would leave my 2 cents on the Grammys, my completely uninformed, clueless 2 cents.
First off, did anybody else see the irony (not 100% sure if this is actual irony… I’m permanently confused on what actually is or isn’t irony) in the fact that Lorde was celebrated for singing a song about how hollow and meaningless the celebrity lifestyle is… by a bunch of celebrities! They were jamming to her music about how empty the road they’re on is. It was kind of like when Kanye showed up at the occupy wallstreet protest, and nobody, including Kanye, realized that he was a part of the 1% they were protesting. She also looked like her fingers had been dipped in ink (that was noticed by my friend Mark Maxey), and I couldn’t help but think her act was meant to be performed in the graveyard set up that Katy Perry sang in.
Secondly, Pharrel either wanted to be talked about for his headwear, or is a huge Dudley-do-Right fan. Maybe he wore a huge hat to hide the fact that he had a track jacket and jeans on, which has gone largely unnoticed because of all the talk about his hat. He also spends a lot of time with daft punk, who couldn’t possibly have said “hey bro, maybe a suit would work, and while you’re at it, put on a hat that’s a few sizes smaller,” because they don’t talk. I also have a ton of guesses as to what’s under the masks of Daft Punk. If you’re one of those people who have seen their real pictures… don’t spoil this for me, and if you want to know what my friend Mark and I think they look like, look up the hashtag #whatsunderthemask, there are some pretty creative ideas there.
At any awards event, I love to watch the people who didn’t win and how they pretend they’re super excited for whoever did win. They always nod their head in agreement, and pretend to agree with the decision (except Kanye… “I’m gonna let you finish”). Poor Taylor Swift though, when they announced Daft Punk’s album “Random Access Memories” the beginning sounded like “Red,” (her album) and she thought she won, then had to quickly play it off. She was probably also recovering from the whiplash she gave herself during her performance. Also Jay Z said that winning the Oscar meant that he got his daughter a “gold sippy cup” but somehow, I think that Jay Z’s daughter has more than a few gold sippy cups.
Next, the country section began. No offense, but this part is a little foggy for me because this is where I started switching back and forth between the Pro Bowl. I was honestly expecting Merle Haggard to come out and do a performance with Imagine Dragons, Pharrel and Macklemore, but I was relieved when that didn’t happen. Speaking of the performances, there were so many. I’m pretty sure they only gave out like 3 awards, and the rest of the show was people singing songs live that sound a lot better on the radio, I’m looking at you dude who sings with Pink in that “just give me a reason” song. In all fairness, while she was singing he was probably trying to figure out if they were performing together or if she doing a solo Cirque De So Le performance. Not only were there tons of performances, but they didn’t gel together at all. For example, Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar perform and then we go straight to Kacey Musgraves. I was recovering from the fanatic light show that ended with all the performers getting blasted with red paint, and then we’re all of a sudden listening to a girl with Christmas lights on her cowboy boots singing a country song. Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr did their thing… I don’t think I’m allowed to criticize them, but I think we’re watching their careers end kind of like we all watched the end of The Office “they used to be really good, now they’re so-so, but I owe it to them to just ride this thing out.” Speaking of someone who used to be (kind of) good, and now is (less than) so-so, how about Ozzy Ozbourne? He may have been my favorite part of the night. Ozzy came on stage with two guys I’ve never seen before, and proceeded to forget the name of the band that “meant so much to him” over the years. I had to rewind several times before I could finally understand what he was saying, but the guy to his left heard him clearly, because he burst out laughing. It was the most incredibly horrible introduction. I don’t even remember who they were introducing.
In conclusion, I don’t have it out for the Grammys, or for any celebrity or singer, I just found the whole ceremony to be incredibly entertaining in a hilarious way. I’m sure many of you loved them, I also know many of you guys were “watching the pro bowl” but will understand a lot of these references. If you didn’t watch, a lot of this probably didn’t make much sense to you, but thanks for reading! I also apologize if you were expecting something more serious, but it’s fun to write about something not serious sometimes.